HeartOfSanctuary

Haven't you noticed I'm not the same, my tongue is twisted, my lies became real butnow the truth is lost in memories wandering my head, playing my mind, crawling in my thoughts, a shame of what could've been if I hadn't lied. Now it all blurs together and this isn't what I wanted, the pity, the pain in their eyes for me, it wasn't worth lying for..... and now its my reality, my everyday. I'd give it all to take it back.

I don't feel I'm deserving of  anything good, what does that mean? why does it scare people away? I feel as if I should be lashed like I've done nothing right, I'm willing to take what I deserve for fucking up is all. I'm not sure how to explain the feeling. -over thinking and yawn

so tired, I can't sleep. so hopeless, I can't dream. dizzy with exhaustion and a fear that nothing will ever change. what will become of me if I never sleep again? a wasted soul, a tortured soul trapped in these never-ending days. I cant say I quite feel numb, I wish I was, anything would be better than the deep aching in my  heart  and bones. to be numb without pain, without exhaustion, I'd even give up all happiness just to ease  the pain and instead of living in the cold darkness surrounding me in agony, I'd live in the faint glow of numbness. though not entirely in a shining light, the glow will illuminate a path through this life and kee